Effective Leadership Requires Connection
Those you lead must know you care...
We live in the information age. The internet came first, then social media, and now AI is coming into its own. Yet there is one common lack across the board and across cultures worldwide: true connection. Despite the fact that smartphone usage has exploded and allows anyone to call or text anyone else anywhere in the world, people are more lonely than ever.
My family and I recently travelled to the other side of the world to visit family in the Philippines. One day, we went to a popular tourist destination near my wife’s relatives. We arrived around lunchtime and went to the main restaurant there. The food took quite a while to come. While we waited—given that our time together was limited and we’d soon be heading home—you would expect us to be talking to each other. Instead, after ungluing myself from my own phone, I looked up and saw that everyone in our group, seven of us in total, was staring at a phone screen rather than speaking to one another
Connection must be prioritized
Connection doesn’t happen by accident. In the Digital Age, connection is actually rare. We are too easily distracted by our phones and absorbed by carefully crafted algorithms designed to keep us glued to our phones and our favorite site or app. Human beings were created for connection. Smartphones promised to allow us to be more connected than ever but that isn’t what has happened. The connections we do make with our phones are often brief and superficial.
Lack of human connection leads to a feeling of loneliness. When people feel lonely, you would think that they would reach out to real, live human beings. That just isn’t what is happening. Instead, we find numerous ways to dull the pain of loneliness. All number of addictions can help us mask our loneliness. Common ones include consuming pornography, listening to music at all hours of the day, binge watching streaming services, and for some, working non-stop to name a few.
In the context of church ministry, connection is vital for a church to be healthy. Our members need to make real, authentic connections. Online options are not enough. Face to face interactions are needed for that feeling of loneliness to subside and for real connection to take place.
People don’t care how much you know until…
People won’t respect you if they don’t know that you care for them. One major way a leader can show that they care for their followers is to spend time with them. Not just any time spent mind you, but quality time spent with them. What makes time spent quality time? It is time when you hear their heart, take time to listen to them, and be intentional about encouraging them.
When I was 20 years old, I was hired as a Program Director for a youth camp in Hope, British Columbia. I designed an excellent program but I often struggled with staff who didn’t necessarily like me. They felt I was a slave driver. The Girls Director at the camp made several attempts to get me to understand that I could have the best program in the world but if the staff didn’t see me having compassion for them and listening to them, it wouldn’t matter much.
Many years ago, the motivational speaker Zig Ziglar popularized this saying, “People don’t care how much you know until they know how much you care.” This is true in a sales environment like Ziglar was in but it also works in church leadership. A visiting pastor is generally well liked. Church leaders and ministry leaders who take the time to connect socially with their followers will find much of the friction of getting things done becomes easier.
Invest in Your People
You can’t be friends with everyone. You can be friendly with everyone but you can only truly be friends with a few people. Each of us have limited time. We must prioritize our time. What this means is that as a leader, I must identify strategically which relationships are most important and prioritize them above others. As a Christian, your time with God should be your highest priority. Other things should drop long before you drop your time with God. After God, your time with your spouse and kids comes next. Then, outside your family, if you have a few close friends, they must get some time with you. Then, if you are in Christian ministry and you are a leader, you must identify the influencers in your group and make sure to spend time with them. By the time you get here, you have little time left for anyone else.
How can everyone in your ministry be reached if you have a limit to how many relationships you can maintain? You teach the leaders under you to do the same thing you are doing. They must identify key people and spend time with them.
I would also suggest you prioritize social events for your ministry. Your people will often see social time as optional. It really isn’t. If you want to get a lot done in an organization, you must have trust. Trust is built through quality time and quality connections over time.
Connection is life!
Whatever else you do, make time for real, genuine connection. You will not regret it. As you invest in connections and teach your people to do the same, you’ll reap a big blessing. Your organization will be transformed. You will then find that everyone is so much more productive. Ultimately, Jesus told us that the world will know we are his disciples by our love.
A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another; as I have loved you, that you also love one another. By this all will know that you are My disciples, if you have love for one another. (John 13:34-35)
True love prioritizes connection. It is the great need of this world. It is what every one of us longs for. May God help us do this better.
Joseph Duchesne is the creator of The Church AI Guy, a space where faith meets innovation while discussing the long-term impact of AI. A pastor, autodidact, and author of two books—The Last Crisis and Discover the One—he’s passionate about showing how Jesus-centered discipleship can thrive in a digital world. When he’s not experimenting with the latest tech, he’s reading theology, building church community, or spending time with his wife.